Bev Alert

Many people have been asking how my mother-in-law is doing, so here is an update on her condition. I will be frank, because you asked! She constantly grumbles. Her thoughts are absentminded. Her disposition is cantankerous. Her pessimistic rants are mind-numbing. Even Jim is becoming aggravated with her, which for some reason I find amusing. (Adam often accuses me of displaying schadenfreude.)

Yesterday Bev phoned me five (Yes, FIVE) times in a two hour period. During each subsequent call, she did not remember what we had talked about in the course of the previous conversation. The chats all referred to our ski trip (she repeatedly had our departure date incorrect), her cash on hand (she kept forgetting where her money was), and her desire to get her car keys back. Jim is adamant that he will not hand the keys over to her because he does not want to be liable when she has an accident. Debbie, on the other hand, feels that Bev may be ok to drive, so she is bringing her a set of keys after work today. In all seriousness, letting Bev on the road again would be a mistake of epic proportions. I am not even concerned that she will buy cigarettes – she will. I am worried sick that she will injure someone, and I only hope Debbie will be able to live with the guilt if that happens. So, beware of a silver Buick Century speeding around town with a white-haired, oxygen-breathing, chain-smoking senior sitting confusedly behind the wheel. Then head in the opposite direction and stay as far away as humanly possible. And, don’t stray anywhere near her house, either, since there will be oxygen + open flames combining regularly there. Consider yourselves forewarned.

Addendum: Debbie showed some chutzpa and told Bev she was not yet ready to journey out on her own. Bev informed us that she is planning to drive to Bingo Friday night anyway. Stay tuned!